Does it get worse before it gets better in Counselling?
The question of things ‘getting worse’ before improving in counselling is really food for thought. What do we mean by ‘get worse’? Are we talking about feeling worse? Depending on the type of therapy you enter into and the direction this goes, you could indeed find yourself feeling worse before you feel better.
Not everyone will find their counselling challenging, it very much depends on what you’re bringing to therapy and where these issues arose. It also depends on the type of therapy you enter into and how deep this goes. Lots of clients will find they only get better in therapy as they go through the process. I find that, where clients do go through a period of ‘worseness’ it is very much connected to past trauma. The problem is that we don’t always recognise our past experiences as trauma and it’s only when we start to explore them that we begin to realise just how difficult things were. Of course, sometimes we know exactly what that trauma looked like and we have a good idea of what problems it has created but it doesn’t mean we want to spend time looking at it.
When clients find that therapy is ‘hard’ it’s usually because they’re exploring previous experiences that they haven’t had the opportunity, or desire, to focus on before. It’s important to note that if focusing on your experiences feels uncomfortable, then they are definitely worth exploring, as hard as this might be. If they raise difficult feelings, then your everyday life, thoughts, feelings, behaviours, will most certainly be impacted by these experiences, whether you can see it or not.
It is very usual that clients come to therapy to talk about current issues in life, things they are not managing very well, and through exploration, these are intrinsically linked to previous experiences, quite often in childhood (but not always), and this can be surprising, or not. There is a need then to talk through the experiences in order to reframe them, to identify unhealthy (but understandable) responses to them, and to work through the discomfort and pain of these experiences in order to help us feel better and more in control.
It may help to consider this in terms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to gain a better understanding of the importance of processing the experience. Let’s say for instance someone has a car accident, it takes place on a busy roundabout, they’re unhurt but they see others injured and being transferred to hospital and they have to stay on site to answer questions by the police. They come away from this experience wanting to put it behind them. They appear to have come out of it unscathed and it ‘could’ve been worse’ so they don’t feel the need to talk about it, think about it, or feel the emotions that were raised from this event.
Their brain won’t let them forget it. They begin to fixate on the ‘what could have happened’ and try to determine what they could have done differently, they become anxious when seeing or hearing emergency services, they avoid roundabouts and spend endless amounts of time figuring out routes that avoid all roundabouts on their journey. They dream about it, have nightmares about it, they become low in mood and feel out of control, they snap at their loved ones and may even seek medication. All of this arises from the tendency to try to ‘forget’ about the initial experience that will certainly have had an impact as it was so out of the ordinary. The brain doesn’t quite know what to do with this unusual event.
They may be able to link the dreams and avoidance behaviours with the accident but they may not identify that their mood and worry is also linked. In the process of talking through their current difficulties, they will undoubtedly discover the need to re-visit the initial trauma and work through the uncomfortableness of remembering in order to process the experience and the emotions in order to feel more at peace again.
Talking through the experience, acknowledging the feelings of fear and worry, anger and frustration, and any other emotions that accompanied it, understanding the impact of this event on their well-being, is all a necessary part of the healing process. We can’t recover whilst avoiding the initial catalyst, and this applies to any memories we’d rather not bring to mind. Childhood trauma is particularly difficult to re-visit but again, very necessary if we are to recover and find peace.
The end goal is worth the bumpy ride, and your therapist is there to support you through it. You will emerge a better person for it, stronger, more confident, more in control, and more at peace with yourself, but I’m afraid you may indeed need to be prepared for the potential ‘worse before it gets better.’
If you are in need of therapy but worried about the process and would like to talk this through, please do reach out. Tracy can give you a ring to discuss the support on offer and how this might be managed within therapy to ensure you find what you need whilst feeling fully supported.
