How Do You Know When To End a Friendship?
So you’re considering bringing a friendship to an end. Maybe it would simply feel easier to be without this person in your life, and maybe it’s a relationship you need to walk away from. How do we tell what is worth the work and when it’s best for us to let something go?
This article is set out to allow you to consider what is healthy and what is not and how to bring to an end any friendships you deem to be unhealthy for you to continue in.
What is a Healthy Friendship?
A healthy friendship is one that promotes your well-being and allows you to grow as a person. It's built on mutual respect, trust, openness, and honesty. The best friendships are supportive without being smothering; they allow each person to have their own life outside of the friendship without feeling jealous or threatened by it.
Friendships are also reciprocal; they require both parties to give as much as they get out of them, and ideally more! A good friend will be there for you during difficult times but also help celebrate your successes along with you.
How are Healthy Friendships built?
By being open and honest.
By showing respect.
By demonstrating genuine interest in the other person's thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
By offering support when it's needed most--even if that means simply listening without judgment or offering advice (if asked).
By making time for each other, even if it can’t be that regular
How are Healthy Friendships maintained?
Communicate Regularly
Respect Boundaries
Show Appreciation
Allow for Differences
Bring positivity into communication
How are Friendships strengthened?
Make plans to spend time together.
Express gratitude for the people in your life and let them know how much they mean to you.
Ask for help when it's needed and offer assistance when someone else needs it.
Share experiences
Share your feelings and challenges, it is good for the other party to know you trust them
Show up for them
The Benefits of Having Healthy Friendships
There are numerous benefits to having healthy friendships. For one thing, they can improve your mental health and increase your happiness. Studies have shown that people who have strong friendships are less likely to experience depression or anxiety than those who don't have them at all.
Another benefit is that having good friends makes you feel more connected, and this feeling of connection can be incredibly beneficial for both physical and psychological health. Studies have found that teens with stronger peer relationships tend to have better self-esteem, higher levels of life satisfaction and lower risk factors for poor physical health as young adults later on in life (like obesity).
Similarly, research has shown that strong friendships help protect against mental illnesses like depression by providing an outlet for sharing feelings with someone else who understands what it's like being you: Research shows that having supportive friends helps people feel better when dealing with stressors because they know someone else will be there when things get tough; likewise, when we're able to empathise with others' problems, even if those problems aren't exactly like ours, it helps us realise how much our own struggles aren't unique either!
How to Recognise Unhealthy Friendships
Some examples:
One-sided relationship.
Lack of respect.
Unreliability, such as cancelling plans or not following through on promises.
Excessive criticism and judgmental attitudes toward you or others in the friendship group, which can make you feel bad about yourself and your actions.
Monopolizing your time
Experiencing jealousy of your relationships with others
Being given the ‘silent treatment’ if you aren’t able to meet their needs/demands.
They are involved in every aspect of your life.
How to Handle Unhealthy Friendships
If you have an unhealthy friendship, it's important to identify what the problem is and to resolve it:
Identify the elements of the friendship that are making you feel uncomfortable and address them. E.g., if your friend is treating you poorly or making comments that make you feel bad about yourself, don't ignore this behaviour, talk to them about how their words and actions affect you, and let them know how much you would appreciate it if they were more supportive of who you are as a person.
Communicate Your Feelings. Your friend may not realize that they're hurting your feelings in any way so, by communicating openly about your feelings, you are offering them a chance to understand how their behaviour impacts you and to make changes in respect of your needs.
Make your boundaries clear. Ensure they understand what you expect from your friendship and what you are prepared and not prepared to tolerate. After all, you have a right to feel safe and respected in your friendships.
Signs It Might Be Time to Move On
If you’ve tried the above and are feeling unheard or, for example, further criticised for feeling the way you do, or you're simply feeling unhappy, used or unsupported in your friendship, it might be time to move on. Here are some signs that it's time:
You feel taken for granted. They always seem to take advantage of your kindnesses without ever asking how they can help you or offering support in return.
You feel unappreciated by them because they never compliment or appreciate what you do for them.
They don't listen when you talk about yourself or share things about yourself; instead they just talk about themselves the whole time.
You’ve tried to find a healthier balance between the two of you and they don’t appear to want this.
They don’t apologise for their hurtful behaviour or they blame you for their behaviour.
How to End a Friendship
If you're looking to end a friendship, there are a few things that can help make the process easier:
Be honest and direct. Let them know why you feel like it's time for your friendship to come to an end. There’s no need to be hurtful; just explain what happened and how it made you feel.
Respect their feelings as well as your own. You may not want to see them anymore, but they might still care about being friends with you. Make sure both parties understand each other before moving forward with any steps toward ending the relationship in question (wherever possible – sometimes people are unaccepting and not prepared to listen).
Give closure by explaining why this is the best decision for everyone involved--especially if there were problems in the past that led up until now when one person decided enough was enough. It's always better if both sides walk away feeling clear about the situation instead of having regrets over what could've been done differently.
If you’ve gone through all of the steps above and a friend continues to push for a relationship with you and you’re finding it difficult to break the connection, you may need some support to build your self-confidence and strengthen your boundaries and resolve. Unhealthy relationships are common and here at Clarendon Counselling, we have a wealth of experience in supporting people to move on into much healthier connections. Feel free to reach out here.
