How to Quiet your Inner Critic
Most of us have an inner voice that offers commentary on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Sometimes, this voice is encouraging, reminding us of our strengths, and at other times, it is harsh, judgemental, and relentless, pointing out every flaw and mistake. The latter is the inner critic.
Understanding the inner critic is an important step towards self-awareness and emotional wellbeing. Let’s break down what it is, where it comes from, how it differs from other internal voices, and the different forms it can take.
Defining the Inner Critic
The inner critic is that internal voice that judges, shames, or belittles us. It often uses language like “You’re not good enough,” “You always mess things up,” or “Everyone can see you’re a failure.”
Unlike constructive self-reflection, which helps us learn and grow, the inner critic tends to be punitive and unhelpful. It creates self-doubt, damages confidence, and can stop us from pursuing opportunities.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
The origins of the inner critic can usually be traced back to early experiences. This critical voice is often internalised from:
Parents, caregivers, or teachers who used harsh criticism as a way of correcting behaviour.
Cultural or societal expectations that reinforce perfectionism and comparison.
Past experiences of shame, bullying, or rejection, which leave lasting imprints on our sense of self.
Over time, these external messages become part of our inner dialogue, replaying long after the original voices have gone.
Inner Critic vs Conscience vs Self-Reflection
It’s important to recognise that not all inner voices are harmful. Sometimes people confuse the inner critic with other forms of inner dialogue:
Conscience: This is our moral compass. It reminds us of right and wrong, guided by our values. For example, your conscience might nudge you if you’re about to lie to a friend.
Self-Reflection: This is the thoughtful process of evaluating our actions to learn and grow. It might sound like, “Next time I’ll prepare earlier so I don’t feel rushed.” This voice is balanced and constructive.
Inner Critic: By contrast, the inner critic doesn’t offer growth, it judges harshly. It might say, “You’re so lazy and useless for leaving things to the last minute.”
Recognising these differences helps us challenge the inner critic without dismissing the helpful roles of conscience and reflection.
Different Types of Inner Critic
The inner critic doesn’t sound the same for everyone. Psychologists have identified several different “types” or styles of inner criticism:
The Perfectionist – sets impossibly high standards and berates you when you fall short.
The Guilt-Tripper – makes you feel bad about past actions or perceived failures.
The Underminer – discourages you from taking risks by saying you’re not capable or will embarrass yourself.
The Destroyer – attacks your fundamental worth, making you feel unlovable or undeserving.
The Conformer – pressures you to fit in and criticises you when you stand out.
The Taskmaster – pushes you to keep going, never allowing rest, and criticises any sign of slowing down.
You might notice one dominant type, or a combination of several, depending on the situation.
How to Quiet Your Inner Critic
In the first part of this article, we explored what the inner critic is, where it comes from, and the different ways it can show up in our lives. Now, let’s look at something even more important: how to quiet that voice and create a kinder, more supportive inner dialogue.
Step 1: Notice the Inner Critic
The first step is simply becoming aware. The inner critic often operates automatically, so catching it in action is key. Pay attention to the language it uses -harsh, absolute, or shaming statements such as:
“You’ll never get this right.”
“Everyone is judging you.”
“Why did you even bother?”
When you spot this inner dialogue, pause. Awareness creates the space to respond rather than react.
Step 2: Challenge the Message
Ask yourself: “Is this thought really true?” and “Would I speak to a friend this way?”
The inner critic often makes sweeping statements that aren’t supported by evidence. For example:
Critic: “You’re terrible at your job.”
Reframe: “I made a mistake, but I’ve handled plenty of tasks well before. This is a chance to learn.”
By questioning its accuracy, you weaken the critic’s grip.
Step 3: Practise Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer to someone you care about. Instead of criticising yourself for struggling, try acknowledging your humanity:
“It’s okay to feel nervous.”
“Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.”
“I can take this one step at a time.”
This shift doesn’t mean ignoring responsibility, it means encouraging growth through support rather than shame.
Step 4: Develop Your Inner Cheerleader
If the inner critic tears you down, your inner cheerleader lifts you up. This is the voice that believes in your potential, celebrates your efforts, and reminds you of your strengths.
You can strengthen your inner cheerleader by:
Keeping a list of achievements, big or small.
Writing affirmations that feel authentic, e.g. “I am capable of handling challenges.”
Practising gratitude for your own qualities and efforts.
Over time, this positive voice becomes louder and more natural.
Step 5: Set Boundaries with the Critic
When the inner critic pipes up, you don’t have to let it dominate. You can even give it a persona or a name - this makes it easier to recognise and respond. For example:
“Thank you for your input Perfectionist, but I’m choosing progress over perfection today.”
“I hear you Underminer but I’m not letting fear run this show.”
This playful approach helps separate you from the critic.
Step 6: Practise Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps you step back and observe thoughts without getting pulled into them. When the critic starts chattering, simply notice: “Ah, there’s that harsh voice again.”
Through regular mindfulness practices like focusing on your breath, grounding yourself in the present, or guided meditations, you create space between your thoughts and your sense of self.
Final Thoughts
The inner critic can feel overpowering at times, but it’s not the ultimate truth about who you are. It’s a learned voice, shaped by past experiences. By distinguishing the inner critic from conscience and self-reflection, and by understanding its different forms, you can begin to respond with more compassion and balance. By noticing it, challenging it, and replacing it with self-compassion and an inner cheerleader, you can turn down the volume on that harsh voice and move forward with more confidence and peace. Your inner critic may never disappear entirely, but it doesn’t have to run your life, you can take the reins.
If you’d like some help quietening your inner critic and building your inner cheerleader, reach out here.
