Is My Girlfriend a Sociopath?

If you’re asking the question “is my girlfriend a sociopath?” I would say it’s likely she is. The fact you’re searching for answers to someone else’s behaviour would suggest the relationship is toxic on some level or another. And you need to get out. ASAP.

I imagine you’re experiencing a great deal of conflict in your relationship, that you’re feeling jealous, you’re being made to feel that you’re controlling in the relationship, you’re trying desperately to make sense of the ups and downs, the contradictions, the declarations of love that come with equal measures of hurt.

Her Behaviour.

She will blame other people, including you, mostly you, for her behaviour. She will keep ex-partners or male friends in her life that make you feel uneasy about the security of your relationship. 

You will love her and she will have love bombed you. She will ensure you feel she’s everything you ever wanted and she’ll feed your deepest needs and desires and insecurities. You’ll consider her your soulmate. You’ll allow her behaviour to go unchallenged at times because you’ll feel guilty if you upset her, mostly due to her insistence that she is insecure and can’t be blamed for her actions.

It’s important not to be fooled by the innocence that your girlfriend will display. Her actions are calculated and she is having a great deal of fun manipulating you and driving you crazy. She gains power from this. It helps her feel good. Consider how powerful you must feel when the person you’re abusing would do anything to keep you happy. When the person you’re tormenting loves you so much they’re willing to sacrifice their own needs and happiness to ensure yours are met.

Sociopathic women will use everything in their power to create distress. They may even fake pregnancy. If you’re about to leave, they’ll tell you you’re going to be a father and it’s a new start for you as a family. When the abuse continues and you feel the need to escape, she’ll suddenly ‘miscarry’ and you’ll feel enormously guilty, believing this to be your fault because you threatened to leave. You’ll want to make this up to her and so you’ll stay. She may even tell you she’s terminated a pregnancy because she doesn’t believe you’ll be supportive of her. This is a cruel punishment for something you’ve said or done that’s challenged her behaviour. Again, you’ll feel that it’s your fault, if you’d done more, made her feel more secure, this wouldn’t have happened. You’ll want to make sure you don’t upset her again. Sociopath’s will be very good at making these pregnancies look real. They will book appointments with their GP and have you take them to the hospital, however there’ll be a reason you won’t be able to physically enter the room with her. As a little side note, you can buy fake pregnancy tests and scan pictures online, making it quite easy for these women.

Female sociopaths can sometimes be physically violent or will have male acquaintances that will be violent on their behalf. She will ensure these male friends despise you and see her as a victim of your controlling behaviour and she will insist that you believe she has nothing to do with their decisions and she’s sorry for anything they may have said or done. Anything they say or do however is based on their belief in what she’s told them about you. She will have manipulated them also.

You may have found yourself fighting with her exes whom she will tell you were abusive towards her. She will tell her next boyfriend that you were abusive also. She may have filed complaints with the police about you in order to make you doubt your own behaviour and to make others think badly of you too. If everyone else thinks you’re unworthy of her and you yourself think she could do better than you, how grateful would you be if she then took you back and appeared to put you above all others in her life? You’d be indebted to her. She knows exactly what she’s doing, it’s a cruel and twisted game and she’s winning.

The Reality of the Situation.

Women make up 25% of all sociopaths and there are plenty of them out there.

You must understand that this is psychological abuse. 

You must also understand that a sociopath is incapable of love. She does not love you, she loves controlling you and watching you hurt. The great times you sometimes have together, the connection, the dreams you have together for the future, are all manufactured to keep you where she wants you to be.

It’s unfortunate that we live in a society within which we are much more likely to believe that a woman is being abused than a man. When she is telling everyone that this is taking place, why would anyone question it? The police may feel the same. It is quite easy for a sociopathic woman to destroy a man’s reputation.

She is using you only for as long as she is continuing to enjoy it and you play a part in the game she has created. She may be using you to make someone else jealous. It’s possible she’s planning your replacement right now and she’s preparing to cut you off with no explanation or emotion. This is where the real emotional turmoil kicks in.

She may already have left you for someone else despite telling you she’s confused and she still loves you. This simply means she still has a use for you and she may recycle you later if it serves the purpose of hurting someone else.

Take Action

The ONLY way to escape a sociopath is to cut ALL contact. You will still be left feeling the need to redeem yourself and ensure everyone knows how much she has lied about you. You will want desperately for people to know you weren’t the person she said you were. Unfortunately, she will have left you with an impossible task because she’s done such a good job of ruining your reputation.

If there are children involved in the relationship, speak with a solicitor. Your contact with your children will need to be formal and via a mediator. Any contact you do need to have in relation to the children should be exactly that, about the children, nothing else. She will almost certainly use them to continue her emotional abuse of you. She will not consider their needs any more than she will consider yours. A sociopath is only concerned with their own needs. You may want to fight for full custody.

There is a need to completely detach and allow people to see for themselves that you were a pawn in someone else’s game. Your behaviour outside of the relationship will ensure that this will happen in time. Take time to consider how many people you have in your life that understand the reality of the situation and support you. These are the people that matter.

And when you feel you need to talk this through and put your doubts to bed, reach out and get some support, you will most certainly need it. The first step is understanding what’s happened to you. The second step, when you’re ready, will be to look at why they chose you, and what led you to allow them into your life.

If you’re ready to talk this through, you can contact one of the team here to book an appointment to speak to someone in confidence.