Self Care
We hear the term ‘self-care’ being thrown around all over the place at the moment, and rightly so as it’s a vital part of ensuring we are looking after our overall wellbeing, both physically and mentally. I encourage self-care wholeheartedly. But what constitutes self-care? It can’t be all bath salts and skin creams can it?
Our Health
Physical and mental health go hand in hand. When we feel physically well, we feel better in ourselves, and when we feel physically ill, our mood takes a hit as well. When we feel emotionally drained, we feel physically drained, when we feel excited and motivated, we feel physically energized. We have to therefore ensure we look after both of these vital parts of ourselves in equal measure.
Looking after our physical wellbeing
Looking after ourselves physically ranges from having good teeth brushing habits to eating healthily to taking a 5-mile walk. How many of these things can you say you pay good attention to?:
Skin care
Eye checks
Dental checks
Hearing checks
Good sleep habits
An exercise routine
Healthy eating habits
Regular baths/showers
Health checks with the GP
Keeping yourself physically safe
Taking vital medication regularly
Allowing your body some rest and relaxation
This is obviously not an exhaustive list and I wonder what physical care regimes you prioritise and what else you may need to work on?
Looking after our mental wellbeing
Looking after ourselves emotionally also has a range of considerations and they may not be as obvious as our physical checks. Again, this is not an exhaustive list but I wonder how many of these you’ve actually considered as vital to your emotional wellbeing?
Sharing a hug
Asking for help
Being productive
Healthy relationships
Having a sense of self
Talking problems through
Having a sense of purpose
Setting healthy boundaries
Creating a support network
Keeping yourself emotionally safe
Being mindful of how you are feeling
Having something to be passionate about
Spending time on things you enjoy / are fun
Having autonomy, freedom & independence
Allowing your mind some rest and relaxation
We need to get the right balance of all of the above if we are to feel truly well in ourselves. And in addition, we need to work through core beliefs and perspectives and high expectations of ourselves and others if we are to feel centred and at peace.
Looking through the lists above, does it appear that our physical needs are much easier to manage than our emotional ones? And why do we think this is? Do we pay more attention to them?
We quite often behave in ways that feel completely normal to us without truly understanding why we behave in those ways, what drove us to become the person we are, what experiences have shaped us and driven us to particular relationships, careers, and views, and how we’ve come to implement our coping strategies in the way we do.
We too often neglect our emotional needs because we feel weak if we are seen not to be coping. We cry alone. We pull ourselves together. We keep going even when we desperately need to stop. And we are doing ourselves a huge disservice that we wouldn’t do to anyone else. We would want others to ask us for help. We would not judge others for becoming emotional. We would not view people as weak if they felt unable to cope. So why on earth do we do this to ourselves - the one person that we absolutely should be prioritizing and showing kindness and understanding to?
We should certainly add self-compassion to the list of emotional self-care, we should give ourselves a break when things get tough. We should allow ourselves the space to deal with our feelings openly and honestly and ask for the help we would provide to others. When did we become so immersed in the belief that this isn’t something to be done? It’s vital to our mental health that we connect with other human beings and feel a sense of belonging, yet we so often push people away and go it alone. We’re a complex breed.
Next Steps
So, how will you overcome your own obstacles? How will you ensure you meet your own needs, even if this means asking for help? How will you give yourself the space and compassion and understanding you deserve? How will you take care of your physical and mental health? What can you commit to today? Consider:
WHO: Who do I need to be my cheerleader, my shoulder to cry on, my listening ear? And are these the same person?
WHAT: What expectations do I have of myself and others and are these realistic? What needs to change?
WHY: Why do I prioritise others’ needs over my own? Why do I feel selfish when I don’t?
WHERE: Where do I need to consider self-care? At home, at work, in my relationships?
WHEN: When can I allow myself time to consider my needs and what I’d like to work on?
HOW: How will I ensure I keep myself safe, healthy and well?
In summary, in order to feel truly well in ourselves, happy, and healthy and safe and connected, we have to place importance on all of our human needs that enhance our physical and emotional wellbeing. We have to prioritise the parts that are being neglected. And we have to normalize taking care of ourselves as much as we do in taking care of others.
And we have to ask for help where we struggle to do this for ourselves. There is absolutely no shame in experiencing human emotion. There is no shame in needing the support of others. Consider an emotional buddy alongside your gym buddy. Emotional needs in line with your physical needs.
And if you are need of professional support to do this, then therapy is also a form of self-care. A therapist will support your emotional need where a GP will support your physical need. They are needed in equal measure. What a shame we aren’t allocated a therapist when we are registered with a GP to create a more holistic approach to our wellbeing.
Look after yourself today and reach out for help if you need it. You can contact us here today.
