Suicide as an Option

Difficult subject this one, suicide. 5583 people died from suicide in 2021 across England and Wales showing an increase in cases from the previous year (Office for National Statistics). People are finding life more and more difficult to cope with and suicide can sometimes, unfortunately, become a desirable option.

As hard as that is to accept, and as awful as it seems to have so many people consider, or even turn to, suicide, we can look at suicide as one of many options that actually sometimes keep people strong.

I’ve had many clients express a need to keep suicide as an option, that it helps to have a plan they can turn to if they simply can’t take any more and find they can’t overcome their challenges and emotional distress. It helps to know they have some control over whether or not they choose to continue in the life they have found themselves living. It helps them keep on trying. The option of suicide is a last resort to fall back on if all else fails.

We all need to feel in control, and those of us who simply haven’t been able to find a way to a sense of fulfilment, or indeed are dealing with ongoing, challenging situations and overwhelming emotions, need options. Lots of people find the strength to seek support to work through their difficulties and take control of their feelings, their relationships, and their lives. This is another option open to all but some simply won’t believe they’ll ever feel differently and so are unlikely to take steps in this direction. This is the most difficult part for me personally to acknowledge, that as a therapist, I will only see those that choose the path of support and that those people who have lost all hope will never seek the support they need. I will never be able to offer these individuals the sense of hope they desperately yearn for and this saddens me.

There are charities that will listen and support clients who are contemplating suicide and will safeguard them against harm and report concerns to ensure the client’s safety. 

There are also charities that will listen and support a client’s individual choice, even where they express they are planning on taking their own life. They will of course attempt to explore other options but will not try to dissuade anyone from making an autonomous choice.

I agree with both of these. I agree that everyone should have the autonomy to choose whether or not they wish to live or die, and I believe that these individuals sometimes don’t understand that change can be made and they can feel differently if they engage with the right support and that this support needs explaining to them fully in order to give them an alternative option to choose if they do so wish. 

I reiterate here that we ALL need control over our own choices. And when we don’t feel in control, we can often find unhealthy ways to trick ourselves into believing we do. We develop unhealthy behaviours and habits, we develop detrimental relationships with food, substances, and exercise and other self-harming behaviours, or we become obsessive-compulsive or withdraw into ourselves to control our environment, and we feel more and more out of control because we know these behaviours aren’t ‘normal.’ 

We do then, in one way, feel in control and in another way feel out of control. This is when a lot of people enter therapy, because their methods simply aren’t working for them and they don’t know what else to do. Suicide again can become such a viable option because, if we do it right, we take entire control and we don’t have to feel this way anymore. I’ve had clients tell me they haven’t taken steps to end their life because they’re scared they’ll fail at that as well and have to deal with the consequences. It’s hard to work with a client on positive outcomes such as building self-belief and self-confidence when they suggest they might take their own life if they find it.

So should we stop someone from taking their own life if they feel this is the only control they have left? Should we detain them and safeguard them and take away their choices, potentially making them feel worse? Or should we allow them autonomy? After all, is it really up to us if they live or die? Can we know what it feels like to walk in their shoes and understand what brought them to make the choice they have? What gives us the right to decide whether or not someone should continue to live in their own misery and despair? 

There are ongoing debates about assisted suicide for those with life-limiting illnesses, with many believing that people should have the choice to die if they no longer feel they have a good quality of life. People who take their own life feel the same things. Where there is no quality, no fulfilment, no purpose, and no hope, they make a choice to bring this to an end. And as survivors left behind, we feel uncomfortable and sad about it, or we feel guilt that we could have done something more for them, but they didn’t want us to, they simply wanted it all to stop.

It's a terrible thing when someone prefers death to living but it says a lot for the state of mind we can find ourselves in. Sometimes life can feel extraordinarily hard. And sometimes our emotions are just too much to bear. We have to understand that for thousands of people each year, living through it is incomprehensible and suicide is simply the best option they feel they have, but that for thousands more, the idea of it is enough to keep them going long enough to find another way through. 

What we can do is keep an eye on the ones we love and support them to feel empowered and included in their choices, to feel they have options that they can understand, and that they feel loved and supported enough to know that we accept their choices, even if that means we might lose them. I can’t express enough that this in itself will help them feel understood, feel heard, feel respected, feel in control, and maybe even feel a little better…..

If you are feeling like suicide is a desirable option but are looking for alternatives, please do get in touch here. We can help you explore your options and support you to find a sense of hope and empowerment that just might help you see things through. Life won’t be hard forever. Sometimes all it takes is a shift in perspective.